oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
