When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize