3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
