Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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