I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
