maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
