no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
