I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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