So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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