My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
