he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
