Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my being single is dangerous.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize