i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
