I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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