I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
