Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
