Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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