Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
