Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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