I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
