i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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