I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
