this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
