"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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