im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
