you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
