Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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