I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
