You're my little dorito
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
