OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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