im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
