My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
