i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
