I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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