After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
