Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
