I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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