I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
