wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
