What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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