i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
