I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
