Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize