I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I FOUND THE LEGS
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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