im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
