Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
