nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
