omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
