Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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