Define "chronic" masturbator.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
