first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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