She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
