If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
