I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
