Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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