You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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