My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
