Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
