I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
