Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
