If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
