Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
