birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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