OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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