Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
