I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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