I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
